Why burnout is not for losers

Most people, my previous self included, have the impression that burnout is something for people who don’t have it all together. It’s a failure of some sort.

But let me tell you why losers and lazy people are not likely to burn out.

It’s because they don’t care enough. Full stop.

Burnout happens to the ones who care

What I’ve gotten to understand from both my own burnout as well as working with many clients over the years is that burnout happens to the people who care too much. The ones who have a high sense of responsibility, a high level of perfectionism. The people who want to do a good job, who are motivated and committed and who will keep going—no matter what.

Not just because they want to do a good job but because they care. And they want to make a difference so they keep going. Or they are so excited about their idea or project that their enthusiasm fuels them way past what their body can healthily handle. They keep pushing until their body tells them, “This is as far as you can go without complete breakdown of the system.”

Like this entrepreneur who came to me in December 2025 exhausted, overwhelmed and at her wit’s end. Not through any fault of her own, but because life had thrown her one too many curve balls.

She’s the main caretaker of her terminally ill father and aging mother, her best friend is going through a divorce and her own company is navigating the challenges of this uncertain world. She does this all while supporting her husband and his business, putting her kids through university and doing volunteer work.

That’s a lot for anyone.

She wanted to be there for everyone—she cared, deeply—and ended up doing too much.

It took her body to wake her up and take action. What finally made her reach out was that her blood pressure got to unhealthy levels.

She later said, “I was pushing myself way beyond my limits—mainly because I quickly feel guilty and responsible for things.”

What burnout really means

I think because we have such a wrong idea about burnout and who it happens to, it has a bit of a stigma.

Many people still think burnout is a sign that something is wrong with you. That it’s an indication of weakness or failure. (And I know that’s what it felt like to me when I burned out at age twenty-four…). I never thought burnout would happen to me.

If you’ve ever suffered from burnout, let me reassure you there is nothing wrong with you.

But it’s definitely a sign that something went wrong with listening to your body—hello workaholics, high-achievers, people-pleasers and perfectionists.

But just as often it is a sign that something is wrong with the (work) environment that you’re functioning in as well. And yes, you have a responsibility in there too, of course. But it’s a two-way street.

When my manager was transferred and I had to do a lot of her work on top of my own already more than full-time job, I probably should have said “no” sooner. But the company had a responsibility there too. They should’ve known doing practically two jobs wasn’t sustainable and could’ve checked in to see how I was faring.

Read more about the things I wish I knew before I burned out in my career here.

Before you get the impression that burnout only happens at work, let me tell you about the different forms of burnout.

Four types of burnout

The way I see it, these are the different types of burnout:

1. The conventional ‘doing too much for too long’ burnout

This is the type of burnout most people think of when they hear the term. As we’ve established, this happens when you forget to listen to your body and keep pushing it past what it can handle.

2. The ‘disconnected from self’ burnout

You fit in instead of being yourself. You tone yourself down (or up) to be liked or accepted. When you’re fitting in and are pretending to be someone you’re not, you lose touch with yourself one decision, one crossed boundary at a time. Being incongruent with your true self costs a lot of energy.

(If this resonates, then my Come Home to Yourself program is worth checking out. A new group starts end September.)

3. The ‘unsatisfying work/no purpose’ burnout

This is similar to a “bore-out” but I believe it goes deeper. It’s not just that you’re not being challenged enough, that there’s not enough room or need for growth. But you’re doing work that’s not satisfying or aligned with your skills. You don’t feel valued, appreciated or seen. You’re putting time and energy into work that drains you but you might not see an alternative.

4. The ‘disappointed in life’ burnout

When you know something feels off but it’s hard to pinpoint what it is. You just feel life should be lighter and more enjoyable than this. Whether you’re stuck in the ‘wrong’ relationship, afraid to step up and be seen or too busy keeping all the plates spinning to even wonder what feels misaligned. Bottom line: you’re simply not happy with where you’re at.

And you burn out from living an unfulfilled life. In that case it’s time to come home to yourself.

The underlying problem

All of these forms of burnout point to an underlying problem: you stopped listening.

You’re not listening to your body and its limits—begging you to slow down.

You’re not listening to your heart and intuition—urging you in another direction.

You’re not listening to your dreams and desires—asking you to choose joy.

That’s why you’re exhausted and miserable. That’s why you need an escape in the form of a vacation, a book, binging Netflix, a bar of chocolate, or more.

TIP: If after you come back from vacation you’re still not feeling fully rested, that’s a sign to take seriously!

Keep in mind that you’ll be the last to notice that you’re heading for burnout because the changes in your body are so gradual.

I want to wake you up before you need that full-blown wake-up call—burnout or otherwise. If anything I wrote here resonates, that’s worth paying attention to. It could be an indication that you’re not listening to your body or are not at home with yourself. Perhaps even both. They often go hand in hand.

If you’d like support getting back to yourself and your health, you’re warmly invited to a complimentary Clarity Session. You can register for a Clarity Session here—my treat.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. When you feel life should be more than this, contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

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