I loved my job and still burned out

Today exactly thirty years ago I started my first full-time job. This is the first of three articles reflecting on my career and the insights and lessons I learned along the way.

This decade began with me completing my MBA in the US and working at the Olympic Games in Atlanta in 1996. It ended with divorce in 2006.

This was probably the most tumultuous decade of my life.

The dream job

I started working as a junior product manager for Verkade. A Dutch biscuit and chocolate company that was part of United Biscuits (UB). This job was a dream come true. Not only did I land a position in FMCG (Fast Moving Consumer Goods) but my product group was chocolate.

What’s not to like?

Part of my job was tasting the newest competitor products and working with NPD on new recipes. There was chocolate on my desk at all times and it’s what has made me picky about chocolate ever since. 😉

What had drawn me to marketing was the creativity and the variety and being able to do so many different things. Being the spider in the web and connecting with everyone: purchasing, the factory, NPD, sales, the ad agency, going to the printers for new packaging, and so on.

I love learning and I was fortunate that UB had many in-company programs. I’ll never forget the very first time I flew business class to London with a colleague. At 7am we were offered champagne! Fortunately, they also had orange juice. Going to those Management Essentials trainings together cemented a friendship that lasts to this day.

The burnout

I loved my job and put in long hours. I hadn’t yet learned to tame my perfectionism or high sense of responsibility. If you know a little bit about my story, you’ll know that this combination—together with the passing of my father-in-law, my boss being transferred and wanting to be the perfect girlfriend—led to burnout.

I never thought burnout would happen to me. I didn’t even take my parents seriously when they tried to warn me. Because the changes in our body are so gradual it takes a while to notice the loss of energy and productivity, the brain fog and other signs that your body is struggling. That’s why you’ll likely be the last person to notice that you’re heading for burnout.

It was not easy being burned out. And there are a lot of things I wish I had known before my burnout happened. But that period taught me a lot as well. It forced me to learn more about managing my energy. I discovered Ayurveda and started yoga. And I began to learn that responsibility should be a two-way street.

My second wake-up call

I thought I had learned my lesson but a few years later I had another wake-up call when I ran into a health problem. While my burnout taught me about how far I could push my body—and what it felt like to push too far—this health challenge forced me to a bigger stop.

I could write a book about that first decade. Oh wait, I did. 😉 But I’m trying to curb myself and not make this article too long.

The gift of that health challenge was that it required me to wonder whether I was doing what I truly wanted. When the answer was ‘no’, I took the time to explore what I wanted to do instead.

After getting a taste of facilitating brainstorming sessions at my corporate marketing job, I decided to take the advanced training and become an ‘expert in creativity-stimulating thinking techniques’. It’s a mouthful and it doesn’t really translate—but that led to me starting my own business as a facilitator of brainstorming sessions in 2002. Iris Creativity Consultant was born.

What I didn’t know was that this career change would have a profound impact on my personal life as well. And not in the way you’d probably think.

I’ve seen it happen for many people: once you start to lean in more to your creativity, your intuition starts to flourish. I discovered I was highly intuitive and highly sensitive.

Setting healthy boundaries

It changed how I saw myself and how I moved through the world. I started to pay more attention to how I felt and what impacted my energy level. As a result, I began setting boundaries. Something the people around me really had to get used to.

I remember one moment in particular. Someone, let’s call her Sue, was hosting a party and I didn’t want to go. I didn’t really like Sue for several reasons, but mostly because she was draining to be around. And I hadn’t yet figured out how to protect my energy from being sucked dry.

After declining the invitation, I got a phone call from someone else asking me if it was true I wasn’t going. I confirmed. Then she started yelling at me. I had to hold the phone away from my ear because she screamed so loudly!

I was making dinner and I thought, What is happening?! The things she said to me were atrocious. I was basically a terrible, selfish person who didn’t care about anyone else. Which is almost funny because caring too much is what had gotten me in trouble in the first place. I’m proud I didn’t cave. I didn’t go to Sue’s party, although I did feel a tad guilty, thanks to that “lovely” phone call.

I learned the hard way that when you’re still nervous about setting a boundary, people will sense it and they will push back.

Returning to myself

As I was changing and growing as a person, I made different choices. Some friendships grew apart while new ones formed. At one point someone asked me if I could please change back to the Iris from two years ago.

I was baffled.

Of course I couldn’t change back. Nor did I want to.

This decade didn’t go as expected. While it started with a dream job it ended with my husband and me going separate ways. A mutual decision but not an easy one.

In November 2006 I celebrated my birthday at the Space Needle in Seattle. Next week I’ll tell you how I got there and what happened next.

But first, let’s celebrate my 30-year career!

To mark this anniversary, I’m having a special 30% off on all my online programs until 5am Eastern / 11am Central European time Friday November 13^th.

You can explore my programs here. Use coupon code IRIS30 to activate your discount.