A bath of love: how to appreciate the people in your life while they’re still here

There’s a thought that’s been going through my mind since the summer. Since attending the funeral of a friend who passed away far too young, to be exact. Hearing all the beautiful things that were said about her, I kept thinking “I hope she is around to hear this.”

And then it made me realize once more that once people are gone, we say these wonderful things. We share what we appreciated about someone, how much we loved them and how much they meant to us. We reminisce about things they did or said, how we felt appreciated or held by their words and actions.

I asked myself, “Why don’t we do this for the living?”

And then last week a past client passed away. When her son informed me, I was reminded again of that thought. And that’s why I’m writing this today.

Full circle: the Gratitude Dinner

It so happens that years ago, I organized a Gratitude Dinner for my clients. An idea that was sparked by reading Martin Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness. In it, Seligman describes a ‘Gratitude Night’ where his students each brought someone they had never properly thanked and read them a tribute.

I invited several private clients and asked them to bring someone whom they wanted to shower gratitude on. Someone who had either had an important impact on their lives or had changed their lives for the better and had not yet been specifically thanked for that.

Their guests were not aware of the specific purpose of this dinner. As a surprise, each client had prepared a speech for their guest of honor.

This particular client had brought her son.

It was an honor to hear all these expressions of gratitude and have a front-row seat at these precious moments. It truly moved me. Some had brought their spouse, some a child, and I brought a parent. (Or I should say I cheated and was able to ‘sneak in’ both my parents as the dinner took place at their house…)

This is what the table looked like that night.

When I found this photo, I realized the dinner had taken place eleven years and one day before she passed away.

After hearing the sad news, I thought back to memories and joint experiences with my client—as you do when someone dies. I was extra grateful I had organized that dinner and that she had had the opportunity to express her appreciation, pride and gratitude to her son. Something I hope will be of comfort to him moving forward.

Let’s put it into practice

In the days after our dinner, I felt the afterglow of that heart-warming evening. That’s in line with the research: gratitude has an effect on your own well-being as well. Feeling grateful, especially on a regular basis, lowers stress and increases happiness. You can read more about the power of gratitude in this previous article.

Way too often we do not take the time to tell the people we love and appreciate most what they mean to us. We rarely craft a thoughtful, deliberate bath of love and appreciation for them. Not just “Thank you, I appreciate you, I love you.” That’s great and needed, don’t get me wrong. But let’s go all in.

Maybe we should start doing this on people’s birthdays. Or simply the next time you see your best friend, take a moment and tell them what you appreciate about them and what they mean to you. Share why you love them so much, how a specific action in the past has impacted you, why they inspire you. All the things.

I invite you to take a moment right now and think of the people you love. Who do you want to shine a light on? Who do you want to bathe in love? Then schedule it.

Perhaps you want to organize a gratitude dinner like I did. Or simply add it to your next dinner. Or shine a light on the host.

When you thank them, take at least a few minutes. Prepare what you want to say and create a moment where they’ll have time to let it sink in. Really shine a light on them and bathe them in gratitude.

Tip: Write out your speech by hand so you can give it to them as a beautiful letter afterwards.

How to incorporate this at work

Take a moment to think of your colleagues or employees, too. Who can you give a compliment to today? Don’t wait until they do something specific. Thank them now. Appreciate them for who they are—not just for what they do.

Acknowledge what they bring to the team or the company that goes beyond their achievements.

I think we can make this world a little bit better with actions like this. Let people know they are seen and loved. You never know the difference it might make.

I’ll be thinking about how I can do that more actively again myself. Let’s not wait until our loved ones are gone. Let’s show them we notice and care now.

Who will you bathe in love first?