How to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop after cancer

I often have conversations in my head with other people. Perhaps I’m weird that way. Maybe you do it too.

In this particular dialogue I was sharing my thoughts with a friend who just had her first 3-month checkup after being declared clean from cancer. As the imaginary exchange progressed, I realized I wanted to share this with you too. In case you’re on this journey or know someone who is.

Dealing with uncertainty

It’s about dealing with the ongoing uncertainty once you’ve been diagnosed with cancer (or any other disease with lasting impact).

Because even in the most ideal scenario—the one where you are declared ‘clean’—you’re faced with often lifelong checkups to make sure the cancer doesn’t sneak back in.

If you’re in that situation, I think you have two options.

Door number one is where you spend the time between checkups in fear and anxiety. Planning your life around the next hospital visit.

Now there’s nothing wrong with living day-to-day. But it’s the reason why you do it that counts. Are you fully present in this moment because you want to savor it? Or are you afraid to plan because you think you might not have a future?

I think life is too precious to spend it waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Remember that what you focus on is where you’ll steer towards.

That brings me to door number two. You decide to live fully—not because you believe you have little time left—but because you want to make the most of this second chance at life.

You take inventory of your life. You look at what you want to keep and what you want to change. You decide to use this brutal wake-up call and start living like you really want to. Doing things you might’ve postponed or have been too fearful to take action on until now.

You decide to see this second leg of your life as the life you live after you had that terrible disease that you’re now done with. You’ve already been on the cancer train. You’re now in the clear.  Why not consciously board a different train rather than wait for this one to circle back?

What if the worst does happen?

You might ask, “But what if I end up on that sick train after all?”

Well, maybe you do. I don’t know. But say you did. Would you have rather spent that time in between in fear and anxiety? Or would you prefer to be relaxed and trust things will work out? To have enjoyed your life and the people around you.

The end result might be the same. Though I believe that the relaxed version will decrease the likelihood of a return of the disease.

I’m not dismissing the fear—I understand. And the people in your environment are probably adding to that anxiety—no matter how well intentioned.

But fear doesn’t really help you, does it?

Fear creates stress. Stress causes disbalance in the body and it costs you energy. All things that make a return of the problem more likely. Not less.

I know that’s not an easy shift to make. But it’s one worth putting effort into.

So I hope that if you are in this situation, you’ll consider door number two. Yes, the doctors will likely warn you to be realistic. They might throw stats at you. I understand they see it as their job to help you by doing that.

But the mind is powerful. When balanced, it has more energy left for healing. When stressed, your body gets more out of order.

And statistics are an average. Which means for some people the situation is much better while for others it’s worse.

Why not increase your odds to defy the stats and live your life well?

PS She sent me a photo similar to this image the day before she would get the results of her chemo and radiation. We both believed she would be declared ‘clean’ and to her this felt like confirmation of that. We were proved correct.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. When you feel life should be more than this, contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

Follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.