The beliefs that keep you exhausted

What I’m about to share might be controversial, but I wholeheartedly believe it’s true: the beliefs we’ve internalized about rest, productivity, and self-care are making us sick. And most of us don’t even realize we’re carrying them.

The cultural conditioning that makes us sick

Last week we had the kick-off call for Come Home to Yourself and we looked at cultural conditioning and how the beliefs that are ingrained in us as we grow up impact us.

Beliefs shape how we act, think and feel. They are the invisible programming that runs our life. That’s why having beliefs that support you and what you’re trying to accomplish are crucial.

I identified a long list of limiting beliefs that I’ve noticed over the past twenty+ years of doing this work. These beliefs get in the way of your health and wellbeing. They make it so much harder to be balanced and enjoy life.

Like these three for instance:

• Saying no makes me selfish or disappointing.
• Everyone else’s needs are more important than mine.
• I need to earn the right to rest, joy or pleasure.

If you’re tired but someone asks you to do something, and you feel like saying ‘no’ is wrong, and you believe what other people need is more important, then setting a boundary—especially when you’re already feeling depleted—can be hard. If on top of that you feel you haven’t ‘earned’ your rest yet, that plays right into pushing through.

Because we’re not being taught to listen to our body and heed its signals. Instead, we’re told to do more and keep going by all means.

I’ll add that some of these beliefs seem to be more of a problem for women than for men. Because in Western society most women grow up hearing they are supposed to care for others. I think part of that is in women’s nature but nurture adds heavy weight to that.

Unlearning these patterns isn’t easy—especially in societies where exhaustion is a badge of honor.

What’s wrong with us?

Prepping for that kick-off call drove home to an even deeper level that this is something we need to fix as a society if we want things to change. I said to a friend “What’s wrong with us that we teach this to our children?”

I know parents are doing their best to prepare their kids for the world. But what kind of world is this if these beliefs are the rules of survival?

Pushing through and always being ‘on’ has become normalized but it’s not what we need to solve the problems of the world. In order to have brilliant ideas to solve things we need time to think and a refreshed mind to do so. If we want to lower the cost of healthcare, we need to lower stress.

As Dr Joe Dispenza said “75 to 90% of every person that walks into a healthcare facility in the Western world walks in because of emotional or psychological stress.”

If we want to lower stress, we need to start changing some of the things we’ve learned to see as normal—like living in survival mode.

What to do instead

Rather than keep going I recommend listening to your body and taking a break when you’re tired is a better solution than pushing through. That break increases your productivity and creativity, it helps your body relax and reset. Taking a break ensures you get more done that day—not less—and with less damage to your body.

Isn’t that something we should all want?

Taking good care of yourself is not something to leave for when you’ve checked everything off your to-do list. I believe it should be prioritized as an essential part of your day and week. Because you cannot pour from an empty cup. Not that this stops most of us from trying. 😉 I know I’ve fallen into that trap many times. Not because there’s something wrong with me—or you. But because that’s what we’ve been taught.

If you don’t fill up your own well first, you simply have nothing to give to others. When your beliefs tell you that other people’s need take priority then you’ll end up irritable, overwhelmed and exhausted. Or worse, burned out.

If you’re not sure where to get started with your self-care, here’s an article that covers the basics.

And when you’re exhausted but still have things that truly need doing, these 5 energy hacks will help you out!

Invitation

This week notice where you’re doing things from obligation—because you feel you should. If the thought of doing a certain thing feels heavy or makes you feel annoyed, that’s a sign to pause and examine. Even when you still move forward with that activity, you’ve gathered valuable information. Make note of these instances and you’ll likely see a pattern.

Did any of the three beliefs I shared in this article resonate with you? That’s a clear indication that they’re part of how you’re wired. It’s up to you if you want to keep these beliefs as part of your programming or whether you’re ready to adopt healthier beliefs.

When you’re ready to make a change, be prepared for a pushback from your brain because it likes to maintain the status quo. I recommend you find someone to support you in making these changes so you can make them much faster than on your own.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

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