It’s ‘easy’ to blame others and much harder to take responsibility ourselves. We each play the lead in our own story and it’s often difficult to accept we are the common denominator in all our experiences. Which means that when you come across the same problem over and over again, guess what? It may be you.
For most people it’s not first nature to look at our own part and the role we play. We tend to look outside ourselves, not only for solutions but also for ‘who can we blame?’. Not on a conscious level of course—we’re too smart for that. Our ego mind packages it just so we can elegantly blame someone else, because of course they did this or neglected to do that and that’s why….
It’s important to see this and know the only way out of victimhood is to decide to change your story. Once you’re willing to see your part in creating this situation you can take the next step and unravel the problem.
I invite you to look at something that’s been bothering you for a while. A persistent problem, something you want to have or achieve that’s just not happening, or a person who has let you down. Really allow yourself to step back in the situation: where were you, what happened, how did it make you feel?
Then take a step back as if you jump into a helicopter that’s hovering above your situation. Can you see what you did?
Perhaps an old pain caused you to respond the way you did, or a fear is holding you back in the form of creating more problems, maybe you’re just jealous of what someone else seems to have…
Even if you’re not able to see it clearly you may get a sense of where your actions were not aligned.
Being able to switch perspective is what you need to move forward differently. It’s what helps you break out of your pattern so you can move forward in another way next time.
We have a TV program called “All you need is love”, and yes, we all need love. But most importantly we need to love ourselves. Corny as that may sound, I have learned—and am still learning—self-love is what’s crucial.
When you’re looking at the role you played in creating this experience it’s easy to get angry at yourself for messing up. I totally understand. I am a perfectionist and know all about beating myself up. But I’ve also learned it won’t get me far, at least not in the direction I want to go.
Have you ever noticed we say things to ourselves we wouldn’t dare say to someone else?
Holding myself to incredibly high standards, and then spend time yelling at myself for ‘failing’ is just another form of delay. So—not productive—at all.
YOU are what you need. A gentle, more compassionate and loving you. And a you who is courageous enough to hold yourself accountable, and acknowledge what you did—without beating yourself up.
It’s enough to decide to do better next time and take a conscious step in the right direction right now. Know that it’s a process and allow yourself the time to grow.
Would you like to get clear on what stands in your way to take a certain step? Or get that helicopter perspective?
Then check out my 1-on-1 support!