Why old patterns keep showing up (and self-care evolves too)

October 21, 2025

When I have a new idea, I tend to run with it. I need to stop myself when I’m writing new website copy—like I was doing last week. I’m so in the zone that I simply lose track of time. I forget to take breaks and end up eating way too late in the evening.

In the past I did too much because I was perfectionistic and I had a high sense of responsibility. I wanted to make sure everything worked out perfectly and I was simply trying to keep too many plates spinning at the same time. That’s how I got burned out.

Nowadays, I need to be careful that I don’t push myself out of sheer enthusiasm. Not that I didn’t like my corporate marketing job—in fact I loved it.

But being an entrepreneur means having the freedom to decide my own schedule and priorities—and that comes with its own risk.

Our problems evolve with us

I think the reasons why we may be doing things change over time. It morphs as we grow and evolve. But often the same pitfalls remain. The things we need to be alert for or stay focused on simply show up differently.

Self-care remains something I need to prioritize. It’s something I have to choose every single day—like brushing my teeth.

As I wrote in my book Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love:

TRUTH: True self-care is the structural foundation on which you build your life.

But we need to keep in mind that true self-care happens one decision, one step, one minute at a time.

When I am in a phase where ideas flow faster than I can type, I simply need to organize self-care better. It means I need to set a timer for the next break to hydrate or move or get outside. To ensure I eat lunch and resist the temptation to continue typing as I eat.

Because even though it may feel like you’re getting more done when you work through your lunch, your productivity actually suffers.

Several years ago, I remember reading about research which concluded that people who took a forty-five-minute lunch break were more productive than those who continued working and ate behind their desk.

While you think you are saving time by not having a lunch break, you are actually slowing down your productivity so much that your friend who went for lunch and perhaps a quick walk will still get more done during that day.

Know yourself

It’s not that I’m not prone to the same human “flaws” as everyone else. It’s simply that I’ve become more alert, more attuned to what my body needs.

And yes, sometimes I too get derailed a little. Like last week when I forgot to pause and recharge. 😉

Luckily, I usually notice by the end of the day and then put in place pre-scheduled reminders so I can’t forget to pause and rest.

Do you ever experience anything similar? Either because you have so many things on your to-do list, you feel like you cannot afford a break.

Or because the moments you’re ‘in the zone’ you’re so in the flow that you don’t want to stop for breaks. Or forget entirely.

Or maybe you keep yourself busy to avoid looking at whatever painful thing happened. The very human tendency to keep running so you don’t have to face the grief, disappointment, betrayal or frustration. When you’re numbing yourself or tend to avoid your emotions, this article helps you with how to process your emotions.

Self-care is not a luxury

No matter the reason, it’s crucial to remember that self-care is not a luxury or optional. When you deplete yourself over and over again—when you go into the ‘red’—your body will need more time to recharge and replenish its energy.

When you’re not sure whether you’re at risk of getting into that red danger zone of pushing through past what your body needs, I recommend these three tips:

1. Make grounding yourself daily a habit.

When you’re grounded it’s much easier to sense the needs of your body and when you’re getting tired. When you’re in your head it’s much easier to push through and keep going—paying for that later with a headache, a cold or worse. If you don’t know how to ground, you can read more here.

2. Keep an eye on your 20% threshold!

This practical ‘rule’ has been a game-changer for my energy level.

TRUTH: You need 20% of your physical energy in order for your body to regenerate and recharge your battery back up to 100%.

What that means is your physical body needs 20% of its normal energy level to go through all the processes it executes at night (cell regeneration, digestion, and so on), so that you can wake up with 100% energy in the morning.

Ideally, you stop your activities when your energy level dwindles to 20%. Doing so ensures you start the next day with a full tank. In practice, very few people do that. Most of us stop when we get tired (and often not even then). Which means your tank won’t be full when you wake up… Do that a couple of times and you’ll rarely start the day with a full battery.

I recommend you stop before you’re tired. Not easy because there’s always more to do. But it will be the difference between a full battery or one that keeps emptying faster all the time. The next time you think “I’ll just do one more thing.” I reccomend you pause and check your energy level. If you’re tired, ask yourself if this one thing really needs doing. And if so, whether it’s urgent enough to be done now. Perhaps it can wait until tomorrow or someone else can help.

3. See where you can uplevel your self-care.

I believe self-care is knowing what you and your body and mind need to function well—and then to be willing and able to give it to yourself as best you can.

Self-care means doing that thing you know you need (or your body needs) even when you don’t feel like it, even when you’re pressed for time, even when you’re tired. Especially when you’re tired.

Because you need a break most when you feel like you can’t afford it or don’t have the time to take one.

For a long time, I treated self-care as an afterthought. Getting things done always seemed more important. Until I realized that my self-care is what enables everything else. But it took a burnout and a few other life events to get to that point. I wrote this article about practical self-care and what your body and mind really need to save you some of my hassle. You’re welcome. 😉

So despite deadlines, to-do lists and enthusiasm, I recommend you keep an eye on yourself and what you need. We have only this one body, and life is so much more fun when we have the energy to enjoy it. 🙂 It’s a matter of balancing what your environment, your work, you and your body need so you can live a happier and healthier life!

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.