How to process your emotions and what they tell you

Our emotions have a huge effect on our energy level and how we experience our day. When you are in love or exhilarated, you feel like you can take on the world. When you are sad or frustrated, you probably feel drained or heavy. I believe it’s important to become more consciously aware of our emotions and know we can choose to shift them—without ignoring the hurt. Because there is something we need to do first.

Lean into the Discomfort

I recently woke up with a feeling of unease. A feeling something was wrong, even though I could not pinpoint what that might be. I sensed an overpowering sense of loss, of something being off.

I remembered to breathe in love and exhale worry. Doing so helped a little, but an underlying feeling of discomfort remained.

We have the tendency to “fix” the discomfort, to not feel off or jumbled.

We want to feel happy, calm and at peace. We want things to work out in our favor. We want to smile and enjoy the good bits of life. That’s why we are here, right? To enjoy.

I truly believe it’s important to follow your joy—crucial, even.

Why bother to look at discomfort?

Because it has something to tell you. Something wants your attention. You have the opportunity to heal a pain, something that happened in the (recent) past. You are given the chance to release something and open up room for more affirming experiences.

Often we miss these healing opportunities because we reach for something—anything—to distract us. We focus on what makes us forget the pain. We go on social media, read a book, listen to a song, or perhaps call a friend.

All the while not realizing we are moving away from what needs our attention.

Repression vs. suppresion

There’s a difference between repressed emotions and suppressed emotions that might be valuable to mention. In this article I’m talking about suppressed emotions. When you suppress your emotions, you actively push them away because you don’t know what to do with them. You’re shutting down and likely numb yourself by going on your phone, watching TV or doing something else to distract yourself, like I mentioned above.

Repression is generally seen as the tendency to avoid uncomfortable feelings. You unconsciously push painful thoughts, feelings and experiences away so you can forget them. There can be several reasons for that.

This could be to protect your mind from difficult or traumatic experiences or out of fear to damage your positive-self-image. Or because you want to stay in control of how you feel and avoid feeling sad or anxious so you won’t feel like you’re losing control. Or you might have learned to repress emotions growing up in a dysfunctional family where you learned to control your emotions. If you suspect you might be repressing emotions, you’ll likely need more extensive support than what this article can offer you.

Release the emotion

Rather than move away from the emotion I invite you to lean into the discomfort. Allow yourself to feel the pain so you can move through it and let it out of your system.

I know how daunting that can be. I’ve had moments where the pain seemed insurmountable. But a good cry is so much more effective than running away from the ache. When you allow yourself to fully feel the pain, anger, fear, or sadness—rather than suppress it so it’s continuously present in the background—you will be able to release the emotion and stop carrying that energy with you.

Stop lugging it around like a heavy backpack you can never set down because it’s tied to you.

There’s another reason you want to make sure you allow your emotions to pass through you, and that’s because when you’re internalizing your emotions you store the energy inside your body. And that’s a recipe for disease later on—potentially causing health challenges.

Exercise

Gift yourself a moment of stillness, of being present with what you feel. Whether it makes you happy or sad. Allow the feeling of worry or dread to intensify. Lean into it. Let it fill you up, and go from there.

In my experience, it rarely takes longer than a few minutes when you completely allow the emotion to surface.

If you sense you need a good cry but can’t quite get over that hump to get fully in touch with your emotions and let it out, you might try listening to a song or watching a movie that you know helps stir up those emotions for you. A song that makes me cry each time is this version from “Fix you”.

I believe it’s important to accept and acknowledge what you feel. That it’s essential to living a happy and fulfilling life. Paramount if you want to be true to who you are.

Allow all emotions in

Being fully yourself means allowing the “bad” to be present as much as the good. Because the sooner you allow yourself to feel the unease, the faster you can move through it. Not because it’s something you need to get over quickly, but because it allows you to focus on the next thing you are meant to do or experience.

Be true to you. Your body and soul will thank you for it. Suppressing emotions and feelings consumes part of your energy, and it only tips you off-balance further.

What does the emotion tell you?

I asked: “What does this unease want to tell me?”

The answer: “You should relax more. You are still trying to do too much. Allow yourself to BE more. Be present, fully present, with all your awareness. Be available to the urges that move you, that move through you.”

As I have noticed and mentioned before: we often teach what we have to learn ourselves. 😉

Invitation

The next time you feel unsettled, sad, or off, take a moment to stand still and lean into the discomfort. Allow it to intensify. Cry if needed and ask yourself, What does this feeling want to tell me? What needs my attention?

Then trust the answer to bubble up. Whether it is then and there or later in the form of a sign or something that stands out in a conversation, a song on the radio, or whatnot. Trust and you will get your answer. Trust that you will get clarity on which insights want to come through or what needs to be released.

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.

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