Are you measuring the wrong life?

What if your definition of success has been the wrong equation all along?

Last week I wrote about a very intense week I had that was entirely focused on human connection—and how it reminded me of the thing that matters above all else. The people in your life. (Given the response I got this clearly struck a chord for many people.)

As serendipity would have it, I listened to Simon Sinek’s podcast interview with Will Guidara the next day. And that felt like the perfect sequel.

A new way to measure success

I’ve written about how we tie our self-worth to our productivity and accomplishments. It’s something I’ve been guilty of too. I used to measure how good I felt about a day—and myself—by how much I got done.

On the podcast (which I highly recommend) Simon Sinek introduced a very interesting idea/theory. He said:

“I firmly believe that grades should be given as a ratio not as an absolute. So it should be the level of accomplishment (A, B, C, D) over the number of hours that you studied. … Because that way you know much more about the kind of person.”

Like a college friend of him was an A over 50. He got straight A’s but studied his brains out. Simon himself is a B+ over 3. And he’s comfortable with that “Because I only worked 3 hours.”

He suggests you can look at it from a hiring perspective. How much time are you willing to give the person and what’s the quality you need for that job. But also—and here’s where it got really interesting—as a lifestyle.

Like Simon got a lower grade but he had much more time left for other things.

“The problem is we pick our own metrics. You can be a hero or a zero no matter which metric you choose compared to somebody else. …. The A that you’re chasing is sometimes arbitrary. And that goes for companies as well. Are you chasing revenue, profit, market share, price of your stock, longevity, over what time period. … The ratio solves all of those things.” — Simon Sinek

What’s your definition of success?

Your social media following or the number of likes? The hours you worked, the number of things you sold or solved, how many people you made happy with your product or service, the times you picked your kid up from school or spent uninterrupted time with your partner, laughed with your friends.

This question might not be easy to answer but it’s important because it will largely determine the course and quality of your life.

Apparently, there’s a saying about what gets measured gets done, and what gets measured gets managed. Which led to this interesting conclusion from Will Guidara. “The things that are harder to measure seem to matter more.”

And that’s true for work and for life. Which brings me back to what I mentioned last week about the importance of prioritizing the people in your life. It can be tempting to tick things off your to-do list—and the dopamine hit that gives you can give a nice boost. I know the feeling. 😉

But I think the best, and healthiest, source of dopamine is spending time with people you love and care for.

A powerful life audit

Will Guidara suggested we all do an audit:

“Are you investing too much of your time into things that are too easy to measure? And if you are you might be missing out on some of the best things that life has to offer.”

It can be uncomfortable to realize you’re doing that. But better to see it now than later.

The A over 50, the prestigious job with long hours, the successful business, the whatever it is that you spend a lot of time and energy on comes at a price.  You’re paying with the quality of your life.

And who’s paying that price?

Is it your health, your spouse, your kids, your friends or your future self because you’ve completely used yourself up?

And equally important: are you doing this consciously?

Or are you doing what you think is expected or required—by yourself or others?

I’ve spent many years doing what I thought was needed to be successful and belong. To achieve that I sacrificed little pieces of myself to fit in. To meet expectations—not that I realized it at the time. It took several life events and a lot of time, energy and tears to find myself back and live from my truth. But each time I grew and came out stronger, clearer, happier and more like myself.

That’s why I invite you to take a moment to pause and consider whether what you’re focusing on and spending the majority of your time and energy on is what truly matters.

There’s nothing wrong with working long hours when you do so consciously and willingly—and ideally while still keeping an eye on our body and what it needs. 😉

What do you choose?

Is it your work, your private life, your health, or fill in the blank?

Of course, that can change over time. But whatever your focus is, I wish for you that you do that deliberately—with your eyes wide open. Consciously prioritizing and accepting the consequences.

It may be that a shift in focus is required to ensure you’re prioritizing the right things—yourself, your health, the people you love. And when you’re ready to put that awareness into action, my online program Come Home to Yourself is perfect for that. Doors are now open.

“Thanks to this program I feel freer and more relaxed with what I choose to do daily. It has brought me peace and has connected me to see what I have forgotten about my true worth.” — Tracy Borut

This program is limited to just six participants because it’s a supported, intimate experience where you’ll get direct access to me as we work through this together.

Read all about this program here and get your seat with early bird price.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. When you feel life should be more than this, contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

Follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.