3 questions that helped me make sense of a difficult year

As 2025 ends, three questions are helping me reflect and process everything that happened—the challenges, the growth, the painful lessons, the beautiful moments.

This hasn’t been an easy year. Not for me, and not for most people I know.

But here’s what I’ve learned: difficult years teach us the most when we actually take time to reflect.

I’m sharing these questions so you can end your year the same way—taking what’s valuable, leaving what’s done, and preparing for a new year with more clarity and intention. A year that feels magical.

My year

This year wasn’t disastrous by any means but it’s been really challenging. It required me to dig deep to keep going, keep the faith that things will turn out well—or at least become bearable—and it tested my patience at length.

There have been beautiful highlights—like going to the intense but powerful 7-day Advanced Retreat from Dr Joe Dispenza in Colorado where I meditated for 5.5 hours straight and made new friends. Spending quality time with family during our annual Family Weekend—and a few precious days at my brother’s place.

But 2025 also brought me to my knees several times. Painful misunderstandings with friends, letting go of friendships, bitter disappointments, doubting myself, reinventing myself. The rug has been pulled out from under me several times.

I recall a few moments where it took everything I had to pull myself together so I could show up present and focused for client calls.

This year has challenged me to my core.

But I’m also deeply grateful for the new friends I made, friendships that deepened, friends that are healing. This year brought me new clarity and a deeper sense of coming home to myself.

Tips to get started

Don’t peek at the questions before you’re ready to answer them so you can go with the answer that bubbles up rather than overthink it. You can always go back later and add more. 😉

Set aside at least 30 minutes, ideally 1 hour to go through these questions undisturbed. If that’s not realistic, then try to set aside 10 minutes per question and work your way through one question at a time.

Find a quiet space that’s relaxing and comfortable. Perhaps even outside if the temperature and weather allow it. (Which is certainly not the case here in The Netherlands.)

Write the answers out by hand as that is generally more powerful than typing it out. It helps you get into more of a stream of consciousness flow. And there’s power to the hand-brain connection when it comes to comprehension, memory and retention of new information. All useful elements in this process.

If your head feels full or if you have difficulty focusing, then I recommend you take a moment to ground first.

Once you’re settled, I recommend going through the questions in order. Don’t start on the next question until you feel you’ve written out everything that was triggered by this question. It’s not about getting this done quickly but about unearthing valuable insights that will benefit you in the years to come. Enjoy!

Bonus tip: looking at different areas in your life might yield different answers. Think of your work, private life, romantic relationships, health and me time.

Three powerful questions to reflect on your year

I believe reflecting on a year helps you become aware of what that year has taught you. You might be consciously aware of some things, but other insights might not be as obvious.

1. What is the most powerful change you made in this year that you want to make (or keep as) your new normal?

This question helps you identify what’s actually working—not what you think should work, but what genuinely makes a difference. When you know this, you can build on it in 2026.

In 2024 I deepened my understanding of circadian rhythms and the impact sunlight and artificial light have on our well-being. As a result, I’ve eliminated all sources of blue and white light after dinner—resulting in more energy and better sleep.

In 2025 I built on those insights and made additional changes to my morning routine and daily habits. Thanks to the Dr Joe retreat I am now meditating twice a day (instead of once) and doing much longer meditations. I started measuring my heart coherence and became much more aware of my breathing.

Which change has made the biggest difference for you?

2. What do you want (or need) to heal?

Sometimes we get used to small problems, so much so that we forget to address them consciously. This question reveals what you’re ignoring or overlooking. The headaches you brush off. The emotional triggers you avoid. The patterns you’re ready to break.

Setting the intention to heal something helps your brain focus on finding answers. You will suddenly notice resources, insights or people that would not have stood out before—so you can start to address and resolve the issue.

You can look at what you want to heal physically and emotionally.

What is a physical ailment that is standing in your way, that is holding you back or costing you a lot of energy, pain, time or even budget?

If you are seriously ill, then this question will likely yield an obvious answer. But if you’re fortunate enough to not have a severe health condition, I recommend you take a moment to truly contemplate this question.

This is not about having to find an immediate solution but about gaining clarity.

Because so many of us are pushing through or burning the candle at both ends. Resulting in a headache every weekend, or the fact you get a cold often, or that it tends to linger too long. Perhaps there’s back pain or tenderness in your arm when you sit behind the computer for too many hours.

And of course there are emotional challenges as well. What’s something that triggers you time and again? Where have you lost the connection with yourself? Perhaps you want to heal the guilt you feel about saying no or break the pattern of abandoning yourself.

3. What will you no longer tolerate?

This will help identify what you choose to stop feeding with your time, energy, resources or peace of mind.

As I once heard Tony Robbins say during an event: “You get what you tolerate.” So what in your life will you stop tolerating? From yourself, others, or life in general. Which behavior, beliefs, circumstances, or situations are no longer acceptable?

That doesn’t mean you need to know how to change them right now. It starts by deciding that something is no longer okay, that you no longer give it permission to be a part of your life.

From that clarity you can then start changing the situation, behavior, belief etc. It could be that you need support from a coach or expert in whatever field you want to make a change in. And you can set the intention that you will find that person or the needed information so you can make this shift.

What are you seeing?

I hope answering these questions has given you some new insights and areas to focus on for the coming year.

If these answers revealed that you’re done fitting in, being exhausted, overwhelmed, or living from obligation. Or perhaps showed you want a better work-life balance, more time for joy and what you need—those all point to an underlying pattern.

You’ve lost touch with yourself and your body. With what you need.

You’ve allowed stress and the busyness of life to take over the steering wheel rather than be very conscious about what you create and where you spend your time and energy. It’s what happened for me and why many clients come to me. Because the expectations and obligations often weigh heavy. We want to do the right thing for others and forget to include ourselves.

This is exactly what Come Home to Yourself addresses—reconnecting with your body, energy, truth, intuition, desires, and power so you can build a life you love instead of just survive.

Let’s make 2026 the year where you stop pushing through and ignoring what you want and need—and start doing more of what lights you up.

You can read all about Come Home to Yourself here.

We start mid-January.

This isn’t a course you’ll take alone—it’s a supported, intimate experience where you’ll get direct access to me as we work through this together. That’s why I’m limiting this to 10 participants.

Get your here or read more now.

New Year. New Energy

I trust 2026 will bring more ease and flow and positive resolutions. I look forward to travelling this journey with you and I am grateful we are on this path together. Thank you for being here.

I wish you a wonderful end of the year and a 2026 full of light, love, deep connections and fulfillment. May it bring you boundless joy, new opportunities and everything you need.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

Follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.