How to align your time and energy with what you actually want

July 1, 2025

If you’ve been spending (too much) time doing things you don’t really want to be doing, this article is for you!

I know all about doing things because you feel obliged, because it seems logical or implied, or because it slipped through the cracks when you weren’t alert enough to stop it.

This powerful tool will help you get a clear overview of how you’re spending your time, energy, and resources and where it’s not congruent with your desires and needs. We’re halfway through the year and this is a great moment to take inventory and become more deliberate about the choices you’re making.

I learned about the WilDoe® matrix (which translates to WantDo in English) in 2002 when I did my Creative Thinking Training in order to become a brainstorming facilitator. This was after I worked in corporate marketing and two wake-up calls made me stop and consider what I really wanted to be doing with my time and life moving forward. (You can read more about my personal story here.)

One of my teachers was Jim van den Beuken and he developed this insightful tool that I’m thrilled to share with you.

The four categories

We’ll go through this clockwise and we’ll start in the top left-hand corner. When you’re filling this in (more on that later) you can choose a specific focus like your job, a specific project, your private life or romantic relationship.

But let’s start with the big chunks first and look at what comes to mind when you look at your life in general as it is now. The IST situation.

To illustrate, I’ll share examples of my own life. 🙂

1. Things you’re doing that you don’t want to do

In this category you list everything that you’re spending time, energy and resources on that you don’t really want to.

What do you dread doing? What do you hate or want to stop? What drains you? Be really honest with yourself and allow yourself to feel the frustration, dislike or exhaustion.

An example for me personally is that I’m cleaning the house again (because the lady that supported me with that has fallen ill and isn’t coming back.)

And at times, I’m worrying about things. That’s obviously not a good use of my time and energy—and I’ve gotten much better at catching myself—but it’s still happening too often to my liking.

Maybe you’re spending too much time on social media or in traffic. Perhaps you’re snacking in between meals. Or you’ve said yes to things you dread doing but felt obligated to do or were too polite (or shy) to say no to.

2. Things you’re doing and you want to do them

This is usually the easiest category to fill in. List anything and everything that you’re spending time, energy and resources on and you want to be doing that. Oh happy day!

Think about what gives you energy and what you enjoy doing. What are results you achieve with little effort?

Activities I’m glad I’m doing are writing my weekly blog post, supporting private clients, regular evening walks with my mother and meditating daily. Just to name a few.

3. Things you’re not (yet) doing but want to do

In this category you’ll often find dreams and desires. Things that speak to you but you haven’t yet made the time to do them. Opportunities may be hiding here!

What is a legacy you’d like to leave? Who do you want to support? If there were no limits, what would you choose to do with your time, energy and resources? What do you dream of doing?

I would love to finish writing the sequel for my novel Poisoned Arrow. And I’d like to see my nephew and niece (who live abroad) more often. Also, I’d like to have an empty mailbox. (But that might be aiming too high 😉 )

4. Things you’re not doing (anymore) and don’t want to do

In this category you’ll find things you used to do but outsourced or stopped doing. Or things you’ve said no to from the beginning.

What are boundaries you know you need to keep setting or protecting? Which temptation do you choose to resist? What are choices you make to protect either yourself or your peace of mind?

I’ve outsourced a lot of my admin to my accountant. It’s not that I can’t do those things (in fact I’ve learned all about making balance sheets etc. during my studies) but it doesn’t bring me joy. Or I should say: doing so makes me miserable. 😉 And it’s definitely not the best use of my time.

I don’t give in to the temptation to watch series on Netflix. In fact, I cancelled my subscription last summer and I haven’t regretted it. Something I no longer do is going to big parties simply because I’m invited.

How to put these insights into action

If you fill in this matrix, you’ll have a clear overview of what the situation is at this moment. It also clearly shows where things are off, what’s missing and what you’d like to keep doing.

It may be obvious what the next steps are per category, but I’m giving you a little cheat sheet to make life easier. To help you get to the situation as you’d like it to be (SOLL).

1. Things you’re doing that you don’t want to do (aka energy drains)

You basically have three options here:

You can do less of the activity by delegating, outsourcing or reducing it.
You can stop doing it.
Or if you either can’t stop doing it or aren’t yet ready to take that step, you’ll have to accept it. In that last case I recommend you find ways to make the activity easier and more enjoyable.

I need to carve out time to look for a new cleaning lady. And I need to keep working on being aware of when I’m worrying and shift my focus each time. In addition, I’ll set aside time to dive deeper into the cause of some of these worries so I can make a mindset shift that takes away that underlying need for worry. (Worry is a habit for many people and it serves a purpose—but that’s food for another blog.)

An activity I’ve made more enjoyable is ironing by doing it in front of the TV. I’ve made it a habit to iron when there are sports I enjoy watching like speed skating.

2. Things you’re doing and you want to do them (aka sweet spot)

This is usually easy. Continue doing the things you want to do—and remember to enjoy it or at least appreciate them. Perhaps carve out even more time for these activities and take a moment to see if there’s something you can improve.

For me this means continue to block time in my calendar so I can focus on writing my weekly blog. An improvement is finding (and protecting) a fixed time for my daily meditations rather than trying to squeeze it in on a daily basis—which means some days there’s plenty of time and others it feels rushed.

3. Things you’re not (yet) doing but want to do (aka growth opportunities & dreams)

This quadrant requires you to prioritize the thing you want to be doing. Because it’s not for lack of wanting but for lack of choosing and making it possible. Or perhaps you didn’t realize how much you wanted to do this thing until you wrote it down. What (skills) do you need to develop or what steps can you take to put this in motion?

I’ve already contacted my editor about getting back in the saddle and I’m working on my schedule to allow for more time to write, and meditate.

4. Things you’re not doing (anymore) and don’t want to do (aka healthy boundaries)

This category might require you to be most alert because you need to keep saying no and protect those boundaries. For some activities that might have become so ingrained that you barely register it. But for newer or perhaps more sensitive choices you probably need to be aware and keep upholding those boundaries.

For me this means keep outsourcing tasks like window washing and accounting, and resist the temptation to renew my Netfllix subscription on a dreary afternoon—like I did a week ago. So glad I didn’t give in!

Your turn

I’d recommend taking at least 20 minutes so you can fill in all four quadrants of the WilDoe®. If you can’t spare that much time right now but are aware that you’re doing things you’d rather not, I highly recommend scheduling time (ideally 1 hour) in the coming week to fill this in. It’s time you’ll win back later!

Pick a topic (your job/business/relationship/project etc.)
Fill in all four quadrants. Make sure you list at least 3 things per category.
Choose 1 priority per category. (Yes, for all four categories.) Choose the thing that will make the biggest difference and will bring about the most change.
From those four top priorities per category pick one that you will start with right now.
Get specific on what you’ll do to make this happen. Make it concrete and attractive so it becomes attainable! Ask for help if you need to or if it would make (not) doing this thing much easier.
Review in a week and see what happened, where you may need to course-correct and what progress you can celebrate.

I hope this framework helps you identify areas for positive change in your personal development journey!

The next step? Actually making those changes happen. While this matrix gives you clarity on what needs to shift, sometimes we need support to actually follow through—especially when it comes to the mindset shifts that make lasting change possible.

If you’d like support in making the mindset shifts needed to start or stop doing these things (or help you identify them), then my 3-hour in person or virtual retreat is perfect for you!

You now get 50% OFF until July 8^th. Get your seat here now Only 3 spots available.

Why this huge discount? Because I love helping people navigate their life and make more aligned choices so you have the time and energy to do things that are important to you and bring you joy and fulfillment.

PS Salient detail: during my graduation assignment I developed this tool further for use with brands (marketing) and other purposes and Jim (obviously) was my mentor. 🙂

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.