How to abandon the invisible ‘shoulds’ that are impeding your happiness

February 6, 2023

I recently heard that 95% of the time our subconscious runs the show. That means that the programming we received during the first seven years of our life calls most of the shots.

The problem is that all these beliefs and behaviors we’ve adopted are running on automatic pilot—without us consciously filtering or examining them.

When I’m working with clients, I often register a lot of their ‘shoulds’ and I see how that holds them back or gets in the way of the goals they are trying to achieve. 

There are many things we expect from ourselves that are so transparent we don’t notice them.

For me personally this has been a process of uncovering one ‘should’ at a time. Asking myself “why am I doing this? Do I want to keep doing this?”

When I had my Flowerdoctor webshop with the essential oils I checked my email every single day. I read my email on weekends, Christmas, New Year’s Day, and on vacation. I felt I had to do that because….

The motivation is always a fear of what would happen if you don’t do … (fill in the blank).

In this case I was afraid of missing an order or disappointing a customer. I did that for two and a half years—over 900 days!

Until I booked a trip to Tuscany for a week with my family. Something made me decide I was going to do things differently this vacation. The first day I felt bad, like I was cheating or cutting class.

Until I made the conscious decision to prioritize my health and well-being. To trust that whoever emailed me that week would understand, and if they didn’t, a new customer would come in their stead.

I didn’t look at my email once; I never even felt the desire to after I made that choice. I can barely begin to tell you what that week off did for my body, my mind, my sanity.

I felt my body relax in places I hadn’t realized I was holding tension. I felt freer, calmer, clearer. I had forgotten what that felt like. To not have to do something every day; to not be responsible or busy all the time. To rest my mind. That’s when I vowed, “Never Again.”

There’s a variety of examples we all have when we’re doing something because we think we should—or else….

We’re afraid. We think things will fall apart if we don’t do what we think we should be doing.

Until we pause and ask ourselves: is it even true?

Being able to pause and ask that question entails a growth process. You need to be ready and willing to look at those questions. Wonder what could be on the other side of this ingrained belief or behavior.

I’ve learned that there’s SO much freedom on the other side!

But many people are on automatic pilot on so many aspects of their lives. They don’t realize how many of the things they do are preordained by themselves.

Working with me helps uncover some of those habits so you can consciously decide to make different choices.

The key element is becoming aware of what’s on autopilot so you can choose differently.

If you want to get clear on where your automatic choices are getting in the way of living a life you love then my SWEET POWERTM Transformative Mentoring Program is perfect for you.

If you’re interested in private mentoring with me, you’re invited to a complimentary Clarity Session to discover the best next steps for your personal and professional growth.

Click here to apply for a Clarity Session

It’s time to make conscious choices so you can improve the quality of your life!

Have a day full of energy and inspiration!


© 2024 Bright Eyes