Don’t wait for the wake-up call to wake up!

Let me start by saying that I’m being very outspoken in this article and this might trigger you.

People generally resist change. They tend to wait as long as possible before they’re ready to do things differently.

What I’ve observed over the past twenty years of supporting people in their personal and professional development is that the majority of people won’t embrace change until the pain becomes unbearable or they receive the proverbial kick in the butt.

I started to notice this when I spoke to potential clients in a Clarity Session. In this call we got clear on what was in their way, what could be next steps to shift that and whether I could support them with that change. The reason people signed up for this call was because they weren’t happy with how their life was going.

Of course, not everyone ended up working with me and that’s fine. But what baffled me is that quite a few people didn’t do anything. They weren’t ready for change after all—at least not on a conscious level.

What happened next

Except something would happen to upend their life. Some were fired from the job they didn’t truly like. Others got into an accident or got seriously ill. Several experienced the end of a relationship that wasn’t fulfilling. And so on.

All sorts of terrible things happened and when I started seeing that pattern, I felt guilty for a moment. I wondered if I had done something wrong that led to these events. That I hadn’t done my best to help them see the shift that was needed.

I remember seeing these events play out and thinking “Oh no.” As I witnessed this pattern play out for various people, it felt like their lack of willingness or inability to embrace change prompted an event that forced their hand.

The unwanted wake-up call

I believe life will give you gentle nudges to encourage you to change. But when you refuse to listen it will dial up the volume and give you a shove that is impossible to ignore. Cue ‘wake-up call’.

Sort of like if you can’t do it the ‘easy’ way then we’ll have to do it the hard way.

To me that means that their soul, subconscious,  or body decided something had to shift. And they were forced into it by a life event that created new circumstances that were so unavoidable they couldn’t continue living life the way they had.

That may sound harsh. And I’m not saying everything that happens to you is your own fault. Sometimes bad stuff happens because you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes it’s an accumulation of things that have happened before.

That doesn’t mean that if you’re sick it means you willfully ignored or resisted change. But it does point to an imbalance—at the very least in your body. You may have overdone things and not taken enough time to rest and recharge. Some sort of change is required to get well again.

I’ve had several wake-up calls in my life, like my burnout or when my naturopath told me: “You have energy for four hours per day and you do the rest on willpower.”—

For a moment I was proud for sticking it out on pure will, until he finished his sentence.

—“and it is damaging your organs.’’

How happy are you?

I think it’s clear we want to avoid having a wake-up call because there will be much less damage (to your health, your relationship, your career, your happiness–you name it.) And there will be so much less to fix or course-correct.

So I’d like to invite you to take a moment and be real honest with yourself and answer this question. “How happy are you with your life?”

Not on the surface, but deep down. If you’re truly honest with yourself. Are you living the life you’ve imagined?

Is the work you do fulfilling and does it play to your strengths?

Is your relationship bringing you joy and do you feel loved and at home with your partner?

If you’re single, would you like to find a loving partner?

Is your health good?

What about your energy level, your finances, the amount of time you have to spend with loved ones?

If you’re really honest with yourself, my guess is you’ll know exactly where in your life something is off. Or at least that something is off. Even if it is deep down.

I swept things under the carpet, too

We’re very good at sweeping things under the carpet if we’re not ready (or don’t feel ready) to face them.

That was the case for me in my marriage. There had been moments where I wondered whether this was all there was supposed to be in a relationship. Part of me longed for something more. But on the surface my marriage checked all the boxes and it wasn’t like we were fighting all the time. So whenever I had a lucid moment and felt that niggling sense that something was off, I quickly repressed it. And it would happen so fast that I didn’t realize I had been doing that until much later.

It took a 7-day retreat for me to get the perspective and the clarity that my marriage wasn’t fulfilling. I took action then but I know for certain that if I had tried to sweep my newfound clarity under the carpet again that life would’ve ‘helped’ me end the relationship.

This experience taught me something profound about awareness:

You can’t give the clarity back

Once you see what’s off in your life and see it with such clarity, you can’t go back to normal and continue without making a change. That moment of recognition creates an inevitable fork in the road.

In a sense it feels like that’s what happened to several of the people whom I spoke to during a Clarity Session. They were clear on what didn’t feel right to them and they had a vision of what they wanted to experience instead. But when they decided they weren’t ready—for seemingly reasonable reasons—life helped them make that shift.

Resistance to change

I know change isn’t easy for most of us. Our mind is programmed to keep us safe, which means choosing the familiar over the unknown. The mind is so good at making us feel uncomfortable that it’s all too easy to take a step back into our comfort-zone.

Many people prefer to be comfortably miserable rather than break free and venture into the unknown. While that’s understandable I think it’s a lousy excuse. It simply means you need to be very focused and likely need to solicit help—whether that’s from a friend, loved one, coach or mentor—to get you through change.

Seemingly reasonable reasons

When we’re afraid to make a change, our mind will gladly provide us with seemingly reasonable reasons why it’s better to keep the situation as is. These are the most common reasons people (mis)use:

Time

I have no time to do this program, work out more, cook wholefood meals, meditate—you name it. The truth is that lack of time is rarely a valid excuse. It’s a matter of priority. If you stop scrolling on social media and push back on binge watching Netflix, you may gain all the time you need to dedicate to this change you’re resisting.

And then we won’t even dive into how you may be numbing yourself when you escape into virtual worlds. That may include reading books. I know that can be a way to escape for me.

Budget

I can’t afford this. It’s so expensive. I need to buy this other thing first. I need to save money etc.

Sure, it could be that this particular program is above your budget. But if you’re dedicated to making a certain change, you’ll look for a more affordable alternative. If you’re deciding between this one solution or nothing—chances are you’re using money as an excuse to stay where you are at.

Relationship

Some people hide behind their partner. They need to get their approval. What will my partner say if I do this or spend this much money/time/effort on xyz? I’m not talking about having a normal discussion about a change or investment before you go ahead. I’m referring to when you use your partner as an excuse to not move forward. Because change is scary and this is a seemingly reasonable reason you can use to say no and not feel like you’re abandoning yourself.

This is not the right moment

Ehm, sure. I get that change can be scary and uncomfortable. But waiting for the ‘right moment’ is just another way of saying you’re not ready to make that change. Or better said: you’re not willing to do what’s needed to achieve the outcome you’re looking for.

Energy

I’m too tired, I can’t add anything else to my to-do list. This is a tricky one because it can be so compelling. As I mention in my book Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You love, lack of energy is a symptom—it’s not the real problem. But it can be a perfect excuse to stay stuck and not get clear on the underlying reason why you’re exhausted or slacking on your self-care.

Next time you hear yourself using one of these seemingly reasonable reasons to say no, I recommend you pause for a moment and wonder whether that’s the real reason—or simply a convenient excuse.

Saying you want things to be different without being willing to put in the time, energy, effort or yes, budget, to make that shift is another way of saying you’re not yet miserable enough to be ready to do what it takes. Apparently you’re okay staying comfortably miserable for a while longer.

New mindset needed to solve problems

I’m reminded of this quote.

“Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” — Einstein

That means that change is required for the situation to shift. That means YOU need to change something about the way you do life. Perhaps there are limiting beliefs or behaviors that get in your way. There could be unhealed trauma, a lack of self-love or self-worth. No matter the thing that’s getting in your way, your life won’t change when you’re trying to keep everything the same.

That sounds so logical it almost seems redundant to mention. Except I sometimes see people wishing for change to happen without them lifting a finger. That’s just not how it works. Unless you want to wait for life to force the change upon you. And that’s not something I recommend.

It’s totally up to you of course. It being your life and all. 😉 But I hope sharing these insights helps you choose proactive transformation rather than reactive change—leaving you scrambling to deal with unwanted circumstances because you were afraid, oblivious or thought you had more time to ‘fix’ things.

So the next time you feel that gentle nudge—that whisper that something could be different—don’t ignore it. Listen closely. Your intuition is giving you an opportunity to transform on your terms, before life delivers that unavoidable wake-up call.

I’ve walked this path myself and guided hundreds through their own transformations. If you’re feeling ready to stop being comfortably miserable and embrace meaningful change, I’d love to support you. My private mentoring program creates the structure, accountability and perspective you need to finally make that shift you’ve been longing for.

Ready to listen to those nudges? Let’s talk. You can register for a free 15-minute Intro Call here.

Here’s an example of what private mentoring has brought one of my clients:

“I have shifted so much in 5 months. I’m not the same person anymore, Iris! One of the things you mentioned is you help people stop playing small, and I think that’s what you’ve allowed me to do.

Because I feel so much more sure of myself, grounded, confident, grateful, and I cannot tell you how much my shifts have really transformed me. It’s this gradual process that when I look back now I go ‘What has happened?’

I have you to thank! This was the best decision for me ever to invest in my sessions with you. I can’t imagine not having these calls with you. They are always so useful and it moves me forward each time!” — Karen Vago

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.

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