20 limiting beliefs that sabotage your self-care (and how to overcome them)

Clients tend to call me the queen of self-care, but I too need to stay alert when things get busy. It’s all too easy to feel like checking another thing off of your to-do list is more important. Because today is International Self-Care Day, I wanted to share what might prevent you from taking good care of yourself—so you can consciously make a different decision.

Self-care is an important tool to stay healthy, happy, productive and sane. But many people still treat it as optional or even luxurious. They think it’s for when you have time left over, not when you are pressured or burdened by your to-do list.

And that’s because of an assortment of beliefs, behaviors and thoughts that get in the way of making yourself and your self-care a priority.

See if you recognize any of the following statements:

Thoughts & beliefs about yourself

• I’m not enough
• Nobody loves me
• I don’t like my belly/legs/eyes/hair/buttocks/ears/you-name-it..
• I should’ve done better
• I’m not important

Thoughts & beliefs about your priorities

• I need to finish this work or chore first
• So and so needs me
• I have no time for self-care
• I’ll do it tomorrow
• I’m too tired

Thoughts & beliefs about self-care

• Self-care is a luxury
• I don’t need self-care—I’m fine
• I’ll take care of myself when I have more energy
• Self-care is selfish
• I have no budget for self-care
• I need to earn my self-care first
• Self-care is for the weak—I can push through
• I haven’t been consistent (or perfect) in my self-care so there’s no point now
• I’m not good at self-care
• Self-care is  a waste of time

If you recognized yourself in one or more of these statements, you’re not alone.

I hope it makes sense that these thoughts and beliefs—however logical or justified they may feel—are limiting you in taking good care of yourself. (They may hold you back in other areas of your life as well.)

The good news? Most of these beliefs are based on misconceptions about what self-care actually is and how it works.

Self-care myths

It’s a myth that self-care requires a lot of time, budget or skills. All you need is awareness and a willingness to dedicate time and energy to your well-being. Whether it’s a 5-minute break between meetings, a walk outside, a breathing exercise or simply staring at the clouds. You can find practical tips on daily self-care for body and mind here.

Speaking of misconceptions, here’s a common one. Many people believe they get more done when they work longer hours. The opposite is true. We need breaks in order to be more productive and creative and to increase the quality of our output. Staying busy only means you’re depleting yourself. You can read more about the dangers of our urge to be productive here.

If you’re thinking, “This makes sense but I struggle to prioritize myself.” I get it. That’s not something most of us learn when we grow up. It’s a skill we need to acquire.  The first step in that process is becoming aware of the beliefs that are holding you back.

In an ideal world we all love ourselves completely and unconditionally. In truth, however, most of us find it hard to love ourselves entirely. Over the years I’ve gotten much, much better at loving myself. But there are still parts that I’m learning to embrace fully. And that’s okay—it’s a process.

You don’t need to be perfect at loving yourself but it’s important that you won’t let it stop you from prioritizing self-care. Your body and mind need rest and time to recharge in order to function well.

Signs you need to uplevel your self-care

If you’re moody, quickly irritated or angered, you might simply need a break. You won’t get a medal for pushing through. Stop wearing your exhaustion like a badge of honor. All it will bring you is less efficiency, annoyance, loss of short-term memory and depletion of your health and vitality. And that serves no one.

When you’re rested and have energy left in the tank, you’ll likely do that chore with a smile on your face (or at least without being so frustrated or depleted). You’ll have bandwidth when someone asks you the umpteenth question or when there’s an unexpected hiccup.

Life truly is more enjoyable when you’re not exhausted. And a large part of that is in your hands.

Daily practice

What are you doing on a daily basis that supports your body, mind and soul? Don’t wait for your schedule to clear. Fit your self-care in first and you’ll see you’ll not only get more done but will feel less depleted at the end of the day when you take regular breaks.

Start today. Pick one limiting belief from the list above. Now choose one small act of self-care you can do in the next hour (or at least today), regardless of that belief. Your future self will thank you!

If you’d like help shifting some of these beliefs so that you can take good care of yourself without feeling guilty, my private mentoring might be right for you. You can read all about what to expect from private mentoring here.

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.

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