Why 95% of your life is sleepwalking (and how to finally wake up)

This is my third and final share from my transformative 7-day Advanced retreat with Dr Joe Dispenza. (Catch up on parts one and two here).

We’re creatures of habit. Most of our days unfold along the same predictable routines. You get up, do your morning rituals to get ready for the day and off you go, likely taking the same route to work, daycare, school, the supermarket etc. Chances are you can pretty much paint your day in broad strokes before it happens.

“It turns out that 95% of who we are by the time we’re 35 years old are a set of habituations—unconscious thoughts, unconscious behaviors, unconscious emotional reactions that function like a subconscious computer program.” — Dr Joe Dispenza

We’re sleepwalking through our life if we’re not careful!

That means if you want something to change in your life or circumstances, you need to become aware of these unconscious thoughts, beliefs and behaviors.

Because if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. Or as Dr Joe said during the retreat “Nothing changes until you change.”

Change is often hard, as you probably know from experience. That’s because we like things to be familiar. Our brain’s job is to try and keep us safe and, therefore, the brain likes the known because then it can predict exactly what will happen. As Dr Joe said: the hardest part about change is not making the same choices you did the day before.

Stepping out of your comfort zone

The brain doesn’t want us to venture into uncharted territory because it won’t know the lay of the land and that makes its job to keep you safe much harder.

Unfortunately, a large part of the magic happens right outside our comfort zone. Because our comfort zone is what we know intimately. When we step outside of what’s familiar we step into the unknown. That’s where the beauty (and possibly disappointment) of new experiences lies. As captured accurately in this image I first stumbled upon in 2013. It’s still very true today.

In order for us to be ready to step out of our comfort zone, we need something so appealing that we’re willing to risk it. That means that staying in the familiar needs to be either too unpleasant (because of heartbreak, disease, job loss etc.) or the unknown future must hold so much appeal that you’ll go for it.

So what can motivate you to embrace the unknown is either pain (run away from something) or desire (move towards something).

In order for you to change you need to become aware (aka awake) enough to not slip back into your habits that create the same results over and over again.

“True change is when you start looking within and you become conscious of your unconscious thoughts. In neuroscience it’s called metacognition. You become aware of your habits and your unconscious behaviors. And you look at those emotions that are connected to past experiences and allow yourself to observe them.” — Dr Joe Dispenza

Be ready for the pushback

Just be prepared that as soon as you start to do things that are out of the ordinary—out of your routine—your mind will start to push back. It’ll tell you that you’ll never change, you can start tomorrow, it’s too hard, etc. Your brain will try to persuade you to not do this new thing or make this new choice—because it wants you to stay in the familiar and thus predictable situation.

If you really want to change, you need to be ready for that mental pushback that will try to convince you that it’s a bad idea and move forward regardless of that mental chatter and the feelings of discomfort.

When I considered going to the 7-day Advanced Retreat I could’ve easily concluded that it was too expensive, too hard to go away for 10 days, too much trouble to fly to Denver, Colorado without a direct flight, too exhausting to have 8 hours of time difference, too much of a risk going to this event.

Going required me to step out of my comfort zone and make new choices. I had to embrace the unknown. I didn’t know a single person who had gone to the event, or who would be there. I had no idea how my body would respond to the intense days (6 am – 8 pm) while jetlagged, or to meditating for 5 hours straight. But I decided to go anyway.

Why? In part because I was curious about what the retreat might bring me and how Dr Joe would guide us through. Also, I felt like there should be more to life than I was currently experiencing. Not that I was unhappy but I simply believe life has more to offer.

What do you want to change?

I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your life. What are things you would like to be different? Where in your personal or professional life would you like to experience less stress, more happiness or fulfillment? Whether it’s your relationships, health, finances, home, job or business—choose one thing that you wish were different and write it down.

Then take a moment to allow yourself to feel the emotions you would experience once that change has happened. Feel how you would when you are healthy, have that new relationship or home, are abundant, fulfilled, you name it.

Take a moment to bask in those feelings.

Now what if you could draw that experience to you faster by feeling as if the shift has already happened? So rather than revisiting and reaffirming the (negative) emotions of your disease, lack of relationship etc., you lean into the future and pretend the change has already happened.

Here’s where it gets really interesting. Dr Joe explained how we can essentially become our own placebo:

“Once you understand how it [the placebo effect] works will you be able to teach it? Because do you need the sugar pill in order to move into a new state of being?

Or can you teach a person to select an unknown instead of a known and continuously select that unknown and emotionally embrace that future before the event occurs, so much so that the body is the unconscious mind begins to believe it’s living in that future reality in the present moment.”

In other words, can you pretend the future has already happened—you’re already healthy, abundant or in love—by feeling the emotions of that future situation so often that your body and mind start to believe it has already happened.

Because the mind doesn’t distinguish between something that you’re thinking and something that is actually happening. And when you’re feeling these new emotions your energy changes, and that is a key to seeing the effects of your new energy show up in your environment.

As I’ve said before: once the energy shifts, everything changes. I’ve seen that happen time and again, for myself and my clients.

“I’ve heard Iris say many times, “When your energy shifts, everything shifts.” I didn’t fully understand what that meant until I experienced it myself. The power of mindset, of recognizing and releasing what’s been holding you back, is real. I now see the correlation between shifting my energy and unlocking opportunities in life.

Iris and I scheduled a session to talk through a deep discovery I had. What she did in that session was nothing short of incredible. Without giving away all her secrets, Iris helped me uncover the source of that “ugly bugger” hiding inside, causing havoc in my life. She guided me in letting go of that energy, and within an hour, I felt a complete shift. It was a bright, uplifting change that had an immediate effect on my life. The results were almost unbelievable—an unexpected raise, a dream job opportunity, and an influx of projects I had been chasing for months.” — Sarah Stahl

Embrace the unknown

If you want your situation to change, you’ll have to do something to make that shift. So rather than choosing the comfortable known and staying in that same old same old rhythm, choose something different today. Shake things up a little. Take a different route to work or use another means of transportation. Sit on the other side of the table. Put your phone away, don’t watch Netflix tonight and allow yourself to be fully present.

If you want to make changes, you need to be aware of what you want to change. But here’s what I want you to remember: don’t get caught up in the curse HOW. You don’t need to know how something will happen or when. If you can predict it, you’re still in the known—and we want you stepping into the unknown, where new opportunities are waiting.

I know this might feel overwhelming, especially if you’re already stretched thin. Simply start by making new choices, however small they might feel. You don’t need to go to a 7-day retreat to get started with change. 😉 Step outside for a breath of fresh air before you grab your coffee. Take a walk without listening to a podcast or making a phone call. Or try something new for dinner. These aren’t just small acts—they’re acts of waking up.

Of course, if you’re ready for deeper change but feel overwhelmed by where to start, you don’t have to figure it out alone. In my private mentoring, we work together to uncover what’s really keeping you stuck and create a personalized path forward—one that honors where you are right now. Because sometimes the most conscious choice you can make is asking for support. If that resonates, you can book a free 15-min Intro Call with me here.

Remember, every time you make a choice different from yesterday, you’re stepping out of that 95% autopilot life. You’re choosing to be awake. And that is where the magic begins.

You’ve got this. One conscious choice at a time.

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.

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