The 5-min Happiness Test that reveals what's draining you

I believe life is meant to be enjoyed. But if we’re not careful we’re so busy with our to-do list and responsibilities that days and weeks string together. Before we know it, we’re busier doing things than enjoying them.

That’s why I thought a Happiness Reality Check might be in order. To get clear on how happy you truly are with your life.

It only takes a few minutes and a lot of honesty 😉

Happier means healthier

To be clear. This isn’t just about feeling good—science backs up why happiness matters for your actual survival. National research shows that compared to very happy people, those who aren’t happy have a 14% higher risk of death over time. The happiest people have 23% lower stress hormones, and Harvard research found they’re three times less likely to develop high blood pressure. One famous longitudinal study even found a 2.5-fold difference in longevity between the happiest and least happy people tracked over 60 years.

So being happy doesn’t just feel better, it’s an investment in your health! 😉 

Your happiness index

I listed what I assume are the most important elements of your life. Score each topic between 1 – 10 based on what it feels like to you. Try to resist comparing with others. Simply feel how (un)happy you are with something.

1 = utterly miserable

10 = blissfully happy

I suggest you take a few minutes now. Take a deep breath, and exhale. Now fill in the score per topic.

How happy am I with this area in my life? (1-10)

Career/business

Romantic relationship

Family

Friendships

Health

Finances

Freedom/time off

Exercise/sport

Evaluating your score

Score 1-3: this is serious. Unless you have zero interest in this area of your life, this needs action now.

Score 4-5: there is a lot of room for improvement.

Score 6-7: this might be acceptable for a period of time or when you’re in a transition period. Perhaps you’re crystal clear on what’s off in this area and there may be a solid reason for that.

Score 8-10: this is great!

I’d say circle anything below 6 and choose one priority area that you’ll take action on. If multiple areas have a low score, I’d suggest starting with the area that will have the biggest impact on your life—the one where a higher score will greatly impact your happiness!

Sharing what you’re going to work on with your partner or a trusted friend is a great way to ensure some accountability. (And they might want to work on something as well!)

If you feel like you have no time or energy to make a change, I get it. We tend to put off change for as long as we can because it’s uncomfortable. But you don’t want to stall too long, because life has a way of forcing change upon us when we wait too long. If you’ve ever had a wake-up call, you’ll know what I mean. I highly suggest that you don’t wait for the wake-up call to wake up!

Here’s the thing—identifying what needs to change is only the first step. Because the moment we get clear on what’s not working, our mind starts offering us perfectly reasonable explanations for why we should stay exactly where we are.

Seemingly reasonable reasons

These are the most common reasons people (mis)use:

Time

I have no time to do this program, work out more, cook whole food meals, meditate—you name it. The truth is that lack of time is rarely a valid excuse. It’s a matter of priority. If you stop scrolling on social media and push back on binge watching Netflix, you may gain all the time you need to dedicate to this change you’re resisting.

Budget

I can’t afford this. It’s so expensive. I need to buy this other thing first. I need to save money etc.

Sure, it could be that this particular program is above your budget. But if you’re dedicated to making a certain change, you’ll look for a more affordable alternative. If you’re deciding between this one solution or nothing—chances are you’re using money as an excuse to stay where you are at.

Relationship

Some people hide behind their partner. They need to get their approval. What will my partner say if I do this or spend this much money/time/effort on xyz? I’m not talking about having a normal discussion about a change or investment before you go ahead. I’m referring to when you use your partner as an excuse to not move forward. Because change is scary and this is a seemingly reasonable reason you can use to say no and not feel like you’re abandoning yourself.

This is not the right moment

I get that change can be scary and uncomfortable. But waiting for the ‘right moment’ is just another way of saying you’re not ready to make that change. Or better said: you’re not willing to do what’s needed to achieve the outcome you’re looking for.

Energy

I’m too tired, I can’t add anything else to my to-do list. This is a tricky one because it can be so compelling. As I mention in my book Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You love, lack of energy is a symptom—it’s not the real problem. But it can be a perfect excuse to stay stuck and not get clear on the underlying reason why you’re exhausted or slacking on your self-care.

Next time you hear yourself using one of these seemingly reasonable reasons to say no, I recommend you pause for a moment and wonder whether that’s the real reason—or simply a convenient excuse.

This kind of honest self-reflection can be challenging to do solo. Often, we’re too close to our own patterns to see them clearly, which is why having an outside perspective can be invaluable as you work through these blocks.

Saying you want things to be different without being willing to put in the time, energy, effort or yes, budget, to make that shift is another way of saying you’re not yet miserable enough to be ready to do what it takes. Apparently, you’re okay staying comfortably miserable for a while longer…

And since you’ve decided to read an article about happiness, maybe it’s a good idea to take action now on areas where you’re not happy!

Finding the right focus

If you’re ready to take action but need help where to focus your limited resources, I suggest taking a look at the WilDoe Matrix® to help you get clear on how you’re spending your time and energy and how you would prefer to be spending it! I’ve used this powerful tool many times in my life and it’s always illuminating.

Supporting yourself while you get your ducks in a row

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with people who feel stuck and overwhelmed: sometimes you need to fill your cup a little before you can tackle the big stuff. And there’s one practice that can start shifting how you feel about your life immediately, even while those other areas still need work.

Gratitude is heavily researched and its power is well documented. Gratitude leads to less stress and feeling calmer. It greatly increases happiness and even impacts your physical health in ways such as longer and better-quality sleep.

I’ve seen the power of embracing an attitude of gratitude firsthand with my individual clients and participants of the four Gratitude Projects I have hosted.

Even when their outer circumstances stayed the same, participants felt much better about their lives. Their attitude had shifted to be more positive and they were able to identify a lot of things they were thankful for. Even in difficult circumstances, like moving homes, divorce, or the terminal illness of a loved one.

So while you’re working on becoming happier in some areas of your life, you don’t need to wait to feel happier!

Practicing gratitude

Gratitude is one of the most transformational tools to have in your kit, and I suggest you start using it straight away. At the beginning or end of your day, take a few minutes to reflect and think of at least three things you are grateful for, and write them down. This can be as simple as being thankful for the food in your fridge, your best friend or the sun outside.

Once you are clear on the first thing you are thankful for, take a moment and allow yourself to feel that gratitude. Don’t make it something you check off of your to-do list. The power lies in feeling grateful. Get in touch with that feeling and take in the appreciation for a few breaths. Do the same for the second and third item on your gratitude list.

Taking this happiness assessment is a powerful first step, but I know from experience that the gap between knowing what needs to change and actually making those changes can feel overwhelming. If you’re ready for someone to walk alongside you as you create real shifts in your life, I’m offering my private sessions at 50% off for the next few days. Because you deserve support as you move from surviving to thriving.

Book your private session with 50% off until midnight CET Friday September 5th

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.

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