No Man's Land: What to do when you're between phases

October 14, 2025

Last week I described that something was feeling off. Nothing felt right—like I didn’t fit in my own skin. And I gave myself permission to just be—without needing to fix anything.

I often feel like this when I’m in transition. When things are shifting or changing or when I’m transforming into a new level of something. I don’t yet know what that shift is but I do feel that change is in the air.

What I realized is that I was in what I call ‘No Man’s Land’. You’ve likely felt this in between phase at some point in your life.

What is No Man’s Land?

This is the place between two phases. It’s when you’ve completed one thing and have not yet fully entered the next. You can feel kind of lost and nothing is working. It is a stage that can last days or weeks. Sometimes even a few months.

When you’re in No Man’s Land it often feels like nothing you do makes a difference. It’s as if your wheels are spinning. Like you are in between two worlds with no context.

For me just knowing that and realizing it usually makes my body relax and takes away the need to struggle. I know I will get there. It just takes time—and often surrender into not knowing.

(If this feeling persists for many months or is accompanied by feeling down, I recommend you seek support because it may indicate there’s more going on than healthy transition.)

What to do when you are in No Man’s Land?

Resist pushing through. Try to find a way to accept that this is where you’re at. Perhaps even take advantage of the fact that you are in the unknown and focus on something else. Maybe this is a good moment to take some time off. Or do something to relax or enjoy yourself.

If you feel anxious or nervous about the shift, remember what I said about being scary excited.

“Fear is excitement without the breath” – Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy.

Yes, I understand it may be hard to be excited if you don’t know where you’re going—if you’re not sure what to be excited about.

But try it for a moment. You’ve got nothing to lose. See if you can add oxygen to your fear so you can turn it into excitement—or at least curiosity. Take a few deep breaths. Perhaps even close your eyes so you can turn inward for a few seconds.

If breathing deeply didn’t help you get a tad excited, then hopefully at least it helped you relax a little. 🙂

Give yourself time

Give yourself time to transition into this new phase in your life or work. You can’t force the clarity. What you can do is listen to your intuition and follow the nudges you receive. When you trust your inner wisdom that may allow the path to unfold just a little bit faster or make the next step clearer. Here are some tips for taking inspired action.

I know we say that life is about enjoying the journey and not rushing to the destination. But I also know that in times of uncertainty that’s extra difficult. Uncertainty is one of the hardest states to be in because we’re looking for that answer—something to hold on to. I know from experience that in times where I didn’t know the outcome, sometimes I would even prefer a bad outcome than not knowing the answer. As crazy as that sounds. That’s how uncomfortable uncertainty can be. So rather than trying to rush towards the answer, see if you can cultivate curiosity.

Things to do in-between

If you really want something to do, perhaps focus on gratitude for the people and things that are currently present in your life. You can also experiment with what I call ‘future gratitudes‘—a practice where you feel appreciation for something before it happens.

Take a moment to pretend that something has already transpired and you imagine yourself being there or experiencing it. Like: I’m so grateful that I’m totally clear on this next step on my path. 😉

If you’re in No Man’s Land, keep in mind that this transition is moving you toward something new that is—in principle—more aligned. Surrender into not knowing. Stay curious. You’re exactly where you need to be.

And if you’d like support moving through this transition—or want to cultivate the capacity to navigate uncertainty with more grace—I offer private transformative mentoring for people in exactly this kind of threshold moment. Let’s talk about how I can support you.

Need support navigating your life? Iris van Ooyen is your guide to hope when life feels uncertain. In the moments when you feel lost and don’t know where to turn, Iris offers clarity, support, and a path forward. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to help you navigate life’s pivotal crossroads with confidence and purpose.