I’m inviting you to raise the bar (how to choose more)

I’m hosting my Come Home to Yourself program and what stood out last week was that many people never stop to wonder whether what they’re doing in their life feels right. They are simply plodding along on the course that was set by their family or society as a whole. They don’t take the time to wonder “What will make me happy?” unless there is a life event that stops them in their tracks or makes them see a different perspective or possibility.

That’s what happened for me. I was the good girl until a series of wake-up calls made me realize I was not living the life I truly wanted. Suddenly I recognized that I’d been doing what I thought would make me happy.

And once I achieved all that, I was able to see that it didn’t bring me the joy I was assuming it would. That realization was frightening and disappointing but it also set in motion a series of changes that brought me a lot. And it brought me here.

Why we settle

Many people are settling for the safe option or simply going with what is expected or doing what’s required by their family, culture, society.

It makes me sad when I hear stories about people who are settling for a relationship, or a job, or anything—because they don’t realize they can raise the bar of what they expect.

What they expect from themselves.

What they expect from their partner and family.

What they expect from their friends, colleagues or boss.

Many of us are living a life that’s disconnected from who we truly are—and we may not even realize it.

We live the life we see modeled around us. Because of the obligations and expectations—explicit or unspoken—that we absorb and that make us behave in a certain way. Those expectations influence our choices and become the invisible software that is running our lives.

Stop living on autopilot

We plough through, are incredibly strict or even harsh on ourselves and try to adhere to some ideal. Remember that we live 95% of our life on autopilot. If you don’t make a conscious change, you’ll be doing much of the same ten years from now.

Our need to fit in and be accepted and loved adds to that and makes it harder to break free from the mold.

What if you replaced all these hidden expectations that aren’t serving you with something that you do choose? That allows you to prioritize love and flow and being happy?

I’m not saying there won’t be tough times in life. But I do say that the more you consciously choose the things that you invest your time and energy in, the more you decide to take responsibility for your own life and your own happiness, the better your life will be.

Be deliberate in your choices

When you make deliberate choices that feel aligned and congruent with who you truly are you’re less likely to resent what you’re doing. The more you do what actually supports you, the better it is for your health, happiness, productivity and creativity.

It’s time to stop ploughing through, or going through the motions, or simply continuing with life as you have known it so far. Never pausing long enough to wonder whether this makes you happy and whether this is something you’d like to do for the rest of your day or year or life.

Take a moment to consider

I hope that today you will pause long enough to lift your head and take an honest inventory of your life.

Ask yourself:

What feels right and truly supportive and loving, and what doesn’t?

Where am I doing things because it’s expected—not because I want to or because it feels aligned?

You might not know the answers right away. But starting by asking yourself what you want and need, and what no longer fits, is crucial to wake yourself up from sleepwalking and start living the life that you deserve. Even pondering the question starts a process inside yourself to see possibilities.

One small shift

Once you are clear on some of the things you want to start or stop, take one small action today (or when you have that clarity) to make a shift. Say no instead of your automatic yes. Take a longer break. Spend 10 minutes doing something that lights you up. Whatever it is. Start with a small change today to signal to yourself that you will no longer settle for less.

Because you deserve a life that lights you up. I truly believe that when something is right for you, it is better for everyone else in the long run. Even when they may feel disappointed or upset in the short run.

This is something I feel very passionate about. I want more for you and for the people who love you. I know you would probably want more for the people that you love. Now it’s time to want more for yourself—not from a place of entitlement. But from what is right.

When you’re ready to make changes to your life, when you’re ready to claim more joy and to make choices that are aligned with who you truly are, then I’d love to support you with that.

If you want to Come Home to Yourself, you can register for the waitlist here.

If you want to start now and want personalized support on your journey, then my private mentoring might be right for you. Read all about Life Transformation Mentoring here.

Iris van Ooyen guides people home to themselves. As a life transformation mentor with 20+ years of experience, she offers hope with a compass—helping you find your way back to who you truly are when life’s demands have made you lose touch with yourself. She’s the author of Radiant: How to Have All the Energy You Need to Live a Life You Love. Contact Iris to come home to yourself—and love your life again. 

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