The world is changing at an ever-increasing pace and it seems crises have become so common that they’re to be expected. Whether that’s at a world scale, in your own home or even the privacy of your mind.
Here are five powerful tips to help you navigate life when you’re faced with a crisis.
Let’s start by roughly dividing crises in two categories:
Urgent crisis: a situation which requires immediate attention and action like an accident or a house on fire.
Longer term crisis: a situation that has often been building up over time (even when the buildup was invisible) and likely needs a more extensive response, like a financial, health or relationship crisis.
Obviously the impact of either type of crisis can be huge and long-term.
So how do you stay centered?
For an urgent crisis I think you won’t know how you respond until it happens. You can prepare by knowing what to do in general—like memorizing the emergency number you should call. But whether you will freeze, fight, flight or fawn is harder to predict.
I remember when my dad had a ski accident. I saw him fall out of the corner of my eye and I automatically steered towards him. I was on the other side of the ski slope and in the time it took me to get there I noticed he wasn’t moving. It was as if a life-size doll careened over the pristine white slope. I poked in the snow in an attempt to get to him faster because he wasn’t slowing down and the edge of the slope was approaching. Thank goodness a pile of snow stopped him about 3 feet (1 meter) before going over the edge…
When I reached my dad he was face down in the now bright-red snow. I’ve never kicked off my skis faster and as soon as I reached him, I lifted his head so he could breathe. Too late I realized you’re not supposed to move someone but instinct overrode that knowledge… (Fortunately there was nothing wrong with his neck so there were no consequences.) Other than that lapse in judgement I was able to stay present and support my dad in getting the care he needed.
I’ll admit this experience has given me nightmares. Seeing my father lying in the snow—covered in blood—made me think for an instant that he had died.
For a longer term crisis there’s usually more you can consciously do to keep yourself centered and focused on constructive actions.
1. Check your breathing
If you’re breathing is shallow or high up in your chest, place a hand on your lower belly and try to deepen your breathing. Try to make your exhale longer than your inhale. For example, breathe in for two seconds and breathe out for four seconds. Take at least three deep breaths.
Doing so signals to your nervous system that all is well and it helps your body relax. It helps you shift from fight-or-flight mode into relaxation.
2. Ground yourself
Grounding helps you get out of your head and into your body. It has the benefit of becoming more aware of the needs of your physical body—because you don’t want to aggravate the situation by running yourself ragged. And in addition, getting grounded and centered helps focus your mind so it becomes easier to think clearly. Being grounded makes it easier to breathe deeply so these two go hand in hand. You can read more about the importance of grounding here. This 3-minute audio takes you through a grounding exercise.
3. Accept the situation
If reading this triggers you, please allow me to explain. When I suggest you accept this crisis situation, I am not saying that you should agree with the situation, that accepting means you’re okay with it or that you condone someone’s behavior.
What I am saying is that at this moment the crisis is a fact of life. You can fight against it as much as you want but resisting what is doesn’t make it go away. In fact, I believe that before you can come up with a sensible action plan or approach, you need to give yourself space to accept that this thing happened. That this is where you’re at. Look that fully in the eye and cry, yell, curse, hit a pillow—or whatever else you need to get to the point where you can see that no matter how shitty the situation is, it is what’s impacting you and your life right now.
I know that accepting difficult life’s circumstances is no easy job. Getting to the point that I was ready to accept my burnout, for example, took me weeks—if not months.
Once I stopped resisting the fact that I was burned out, I was ready to look for a way out. It spurred quite some changes—some that were instant, others took years to formulate. But there is no point trying to understand how I had burned out when I’m not ready to acknowledge and accept that I am.
4. Manage your stress
Research has shown that our IQ goes down when we’re stressed. So getting a grip on your stress level helps both your physical body as well as your ability to come up with solutions. How do you do that?
Getting into nature is a powerful way to lower your stress. Going into the forest or sitting near any natural body of water (lake, ocean, tiny pond) has a huge impact on your well-being.
Forest bathing was studied in Japan and being around trees showed a lot of positive effects on health. The oils that trees emit are shown to support our immune system, lower blood pressure and reduce stress hormones. But even sitting in a park or your back yard for twenty minutes helps reduce cortisol levels.
In addition, it may help to create an overview of the situation. Write down what the problem is and the impact it has on you and your life. Sometimes events become bigger in our mind than they are in real life and bringing things back to the appropriate proportions helps to get a more realistic idea of the impact a situation has.
I once heard someone say that fear is a lack of information. So is there info you need or answers you seek that help you get more clarity?
5. Focus on what you do have control over
You can’t change the past, no matter how much you regret something or how sad or upset it makes you. So focus on this present moment. Because even when you have zero control over the situation at hand, you always do have control over:
Your thoughts
Your words
Your actions
And if you want to take it a step further: your beliefs.
(In fact, after this crisis is over you may want to start with changing your beliefs, where needed, because everything else ripples forth from there.)
I always find Nelson Mandela one of the most powerful examples of choosing your experience. He could’ve stayed angry, resentful and frustrated. Instead, he chose to use his time in prison wisely and he found a way to not just accept his situation but make the most of it.
So take a moment and write down what you can do. How can you change your thoughts, words and actions to support yourself and those around you?
Bonus tip: ask for help!
There’s no need to do this alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, a loved one or a coach or mentor. If you don’t want to speak to someone you know, search online for organizations that offer support for your circumstances.
Crises will happen sooner or later. It’s up to you how you respond when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan. Practicing these tips when all is well will help you build a strong foundation for when life gets hard. So the best time to start applying these principles is today. 😊
Have a day full of energy and inspiration!
PS If you would like support navigating your life, a Life Navigation Session might be perfect for you.
