I was so tired. I felt like I had nothing left to give and my boyfriend was pushing me to come to this party. What on earth should I do?
Well, this is a problem that many of us might feel at this time of year. Let me give you a few guidelines that I use myself.
This will help you get clear on the best decision for your health and well-being, hopefully making it easier to say ‘no’ when you need to and not let what other people might think influence your decisions…
To navigate December with as much ease and flow—and energy!—as possible, you’ll have to become very deliberate on how you spend your time and energy.
Rather than accept every invitation that comes your way, give yourself permission to make a conscious decision to accept or decline that invite.
Questions to help guide your answer
Don’t let the simplicity of these questions deter you. You’d be surprised at how much of our lives we live on autopilot! Without stopping and pausing long enough to wonder or ask ourselves how we’re doing and what we really want and need.
1. Do you really WANT to go?
That should be a simple question but it does require you to be in touch with your body and emotions. Does the idea of going excite you? Do you look forward? Or is there a sense of dread or perhaps even stress? Is your hesitation to say ‘yes’ tied to specific people or to your energy (or stress) level?
Simply put: does imagining that you go there increase or lower your energy?
2. Do you really HAVE to go?
Now before you say “Yes, of course I should go, because…” I’d like you to take a deep breath in, and exhale.
Do you really have to go? Is your presence crucial or mandatory? Do you have a role to fulfil that no one else can take over? Is it part of your contract?
We often feel that we should go. The moment you’re using ‘should’ is an alarm bell. It’s a sign you don’t really want to do something but you feel you ought to.
To be clear: feeling like you should doesn’t mean saying yes. Or no, for that matter.
Each situation is unique and only you can decide. If the amount of stress that saying no will bring you seems unsurmountable, then you’ll probably serve yourself better by going. Even if it’s for a little while.
If you think you should go or are afraid to miss out (FOMO): What does your body say? How do you feel? Are you pushing through? Is there a lingering cold you’ve been steadily ignoring? Are you feeling stressed or unable to sleep?
Honestly answering these questions should help you get clear on the wisest course of action for you, at this moment. We often push through when we should be slowing down. There’s only so much that your body will put up with. It will rebel eventually. There’s a reason many people get sick on vacation or during the holidays…
3. Is it a special occasion?
There have been times when I didn’t feel like going somewhere for a variety of reasons, but I made myself attend because I knew it either meant so much to the other person that it was worth my effort. Or because it was a once in a lifetime occasion I knew I would regret missing—even if I was exhausted at the time. Like a wedding, baptism, funeral or unique celebration.
If it’s a work party you consider skipping, I’d recommend trying to go because having friends at work highly impacts your well-being and job satisfaction. Unless of course you are sick or feel unsafe. If you feel too tired or overwhelmed to go, perhaps you can limit the amount of time you are present?
Last-minute cancellations
What if it’s the eve of the party and you can barely drag yourself off the couch?
We’ve all been there. I’d say go over the questions listed above. Unless you’re ill. In that case, go to bed! What are you doing here? 😉
Assuming you’re ‘just’ tired or stressed, it’s good to keep in mind that socializing has all kinds of benefits (oxytocin, anyone?). And sometimes it’s a matter of getting over that hump. Just like when you don’t feel like exercising but you know you’ll feel better after you’ve been to the gym or took that walk.
But sometimes it’s better to do less, to say no, to stay home. Or find a way to connect in a smaller group or just with one friend rather than the whole gang.
You might notice that the more confident you are in setting a boundary, the less pushback you’ll get. And yes. Some people do take everything personally. That’s not your problem, though it might make it harder for you to say no.
Quick tips for more energy:
- Eat healthy when you’re not at the parties. 😉
- Prioritize sleep and make sure your bedroom is dark (avoid light pollution).
- Be sure to go outside each day (ideally first thing in the morning) for some much-needed oxygen and daylight.
- Remember that sugar and alcohol = less energy
I hope these tips help you navigate the busyness of December with as much flow, joy and energy as possible! Wishing you a magical time. ✨
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