One of the things I particularly liked about writing a novel was the idea I was finally doing something ‘normal’. Being very spiritual from a young age tends to set you apart in a way that isn’t always pleasant. I’ve worked hard at allowing myself to fully be who I am, but at times that old habit of wanting to fit in pops up.
And it did in the most annoying way—which is: totally unexpected.
I was discussing book categories for my novel with my editor. In order to properly list my novel for bookstore owners and libraries it needs to be labeled. What is the book about and where does it fit?
To me that had been crystal clear from the start. My book was a fantasy novel; there were no two ways about it.
Except you had to choose three categories. So I browsed and suggested ‘adventure’ and perhaps ‘wizards & witches’.
My editor—ever helpful—checked the classifications and told me “You have to list it under Fantasy Paranormal.”
I’ve worked for almost three years to write something para-normal?
I didn’t like it for one bit. And it added to a fear that showed up now the novel was nearing completion.
The fear that readers of my completely ‘normal’ novel (I mean, magic is an everyday thing, right?) would discover my Bright Eyes website and decide this seemingly normal author was, in fact, way too spiritual.
I truly thought I had dealt with that fear, but it appears another layer wanted to be shed. I often tell my clients it’s like peeling an onion. You release layer after layer, getting closer to the core of who you are, unencumbered by what or who you thought you had to be.
In one hand I had the fear of being found out by a larger audience to be a healer and a channel, and in the other hand I held the disappointment of having written a paranormal novel.
Once again life didn’t go as I expected or had hoped.
So I got to work. I’ve mostly embraced the idea now, though it is still the tiniest bit sensitive if I’m honest.
Part of me is laughing at myself. What did I expect? How can you pour your heart and soul into a book and not have it reflect who you are?
I know the book is good and will help me in my mission to raise the vibration of the planet so more people can live from love. But there are moments I wish I could do all this from the sidelines or behind the stage curtain. Part of me feels the momentum building and I know these old fears popping up is part of that.
I felt I had to share this because you might be struggling to fully accept who and what you are. Being true to yourself all the time isn’t always a walk in the park. If you work at it, being yourself becomes easy (or at least easier). At first you’ll feel comfortable in certain situations and around certain people. Slowly increasing the space where you feel at home.
Just know that when you’re called to step up and break out of that comfort-zone once again, you’re not the only one who might struggle with that.
Having talked about my book and its categories so much I feel I owe you the first two lines of my book blurb (the summary you’ll read on the back).
“How can you call what I have—what I did—a gift?”
Raised in solitude to protect her from the world—or is it the other way around?
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PS Keep your eyes peeled for the full book blurb. Announcement coming soon!