FEAR — raw and vulnerable

December 6, 2018

Do you know the feeling

That something is wrong with you.

That even though people pretend they like you,

They can’t

Not truly

If they knew you.

But you know.

You know that deep inside something is off,

Is different.

YOU are different.

 

You’ve always known you weren’t quite normal.

Not like everyone else.

And even the ones who pretend they’re like you

They have no idea

They don’t know what you can do

What you feel

What you can’t help but feel

 

It hurts.

Knowing you’re different hurts.

All you want to do is fit in

Be normal

Be understood.

 

At times I found someone who understood

Or so I thought

Who was my friend

Who promised me it was okay.

That I am okay.

But no

Betrayal

Talking behind my back

Distance

A gaping abyss is my heart

Pain

So Much Pain

It hurts

It hurts so much I’m afraid it will never stop

Never ever stop

 

I cry

And savor a moment of release

A moment

Of being in control

Sort of

My emotions run wild

Run away

Leaving me behind

Everyone leaves me behind.

Away

I need to go away

Away from the pain

 

Master

I need to master the pain

Not feel so much

Too much

Overflowing with emotions

Too much love, too much pain, too much

I am too much

Too intense

Tone myself down

My entire life I’ve toned myself down

I don’t know how to stop

Toning myself down

I don’t know how to feel everything and stop resisting my own power

It breaks me

Trying to stay in control shatters me

I need to let it shatter me

Break me wide open

So open it hurts

 

The light

Too much light

Entering my life, my body, my soul

Flooded with light,

With love

Drowning out the pain, the hurt, the disappointment

Replacing the cracks, without obscuring them

Honoring them

Honoring the path, the journey, the steps I’ve taken

You’ve taken.

You’re okay

You’re more than okay

You’re perfect

Just the way you are

You only have to believe it yourself.

It’s always been there

Buried deep inside

Your mind, your heart, your soul

Deeply buried into your soul

Your spark

Your unique ray of light

Please let it shine

Bright

 

 

PS If you want to talk to someone who understands, who’s gone through the dark night of the soul. I’m here. Let’s turn this around so you can use your power for good.

Iris-van-Ooyen-04
© 2018 Bright Eyes